"After repeated watching of multiple episodes of 'The View' we came to the reluctant realization that Whoopi Goldberg could no longer articulate a coherent thought. Unfortunately, the deal had been signed and her participation in the project had been heavily promoted," said Lion's Gate Senior VP Shakti 'Che' Goldblume.
"Fortunately, we were able to contact retired members of Gerry Anderson's old crew from ITC and Pinewood Studios and construct a remarkably lifelike mahogany simulacra of Whoopi that was easily able to match her range of expressions."
The project was nearly derailed, though, when it was found that the solenoids and elderly British Sinclair computers that controlled the puppet's jaw movements were unable to match Goldberg's constant stream of gibberish. Technology that had gotten professional performances out of American media icons such as Martin Landau and Barbara Bain proved insufficient to the task of making Whoopi Goldberg comprehensible to a general American audience.
"Luckily, we were able to lure Rich Little out of semi-retirement and he really rose to the occasion, providing an imitation of Whoopi that was almost dead on except for the idiocy."
Lionsgate is exploring using the Supermarionation technique in their upcoming biopic of Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon's turbulent romance.
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