I Need Some Advice Desperately...

...how the hell do I parody THIS": (HT: Interesting News)

NOT A DREAM!  NOT AN IMAGINARY STORY!

IPCC Defends Use of Divination

NEW YORK CITY, NY - A spokesman for the UN's Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change has defended the panel's use of divination to forecast melting glaciers in the Andes. Said Sanjuk Patel, "We employed an Augur who watched the flight of various birds. By studying the birds' formation, he was able to predict that global warming was melting glaciers in the Andes. This man is credentialed at an important Augury school. What more do you need?" Answering his own question, Patel said the Augur's work was subjected to robust peer-review. "A Chinese sorcerer dropped a handful of magic sticks. When he picked them up, they all pointed in the direction of Chile." In addition, a man who dowses for water was asked by Patel whether the Andes' glaciers were melting. He felt it was probably so. "It's not like we pull this information out from between our hams," said Patel. "Global warming is too vital an issue to be left to chance."

Pissen Down Rain in Los Angeles

About damn time.

Another Injustice Obama Can Save Us From!

The Man of Steal!

Sunspots proven to affect weather.

Which is nice, but the question remains, what is Obama going to do to rescue the poor and oppressed of this nation from their sunspot deprivation?

Fortunately, Three Beers Later was already all over that...

Brace Yourself... Greenpeace Lied!

Um... okay, like... the disappearing arctic ice cap? We were... um... off by a little bit...

By about half a million square kilometers.

Which means these clowns betrayed their nation, their constituents and their party... for nothing.

Thank them Election Day.

Can This Possibly Be True?

Pimp Your Ride!

Courtesy of Theo Spark

Repealing the Laws of Physics.........

Subject: Automotive Industry Challenge... Dr. David Cole

From a senior level Chrysler person

Monday morning I attended a breakfast meeting where the speaker/guest was Dr. David E. Cole, Chairman, Center for Automotive Research, (CAR and Professor at the University of Michigan ). You have all likely heard CAR quoted, or referred to in the auto industry news lately.

Dr. Cole, who is an engineer by training, told many stories of the difficulty of working with the folks that the Obama administration has sent to save the auto industry. There have been many meetings where a 30+ year experience automotive expert has to listen to a newcomer to the industry, someone with zero manufacturing experience, zero auto industry experience, zero business experience, zero finance experience, and zero engineering experience, tell them how to run their business.

Dr. Cole's favorite story is as follows:

There was a team of Obama people speaking to Dr. Cole (Graduate Engineer, automotive experience 40+ years, Chairman of CAR). They were explaining to Dr. Cole that the auto companies needed to make a car that was electric and utilized liquid natural gas (LNG) with enough combined fuel to go 500 miles so we wouldn't "need" so many gas stations, (a whole other topic). They were quoting the BTU's of LNG and battery life that they had looked up on some website.

Dr. Cole explained that to do this you would need a trunk FULL of batteries and a LNG tank at big as the car to make it happen and that there were problems related to the basic laws of physics that prevented them from...

The Obama person interrupted and said (and I am quoting here): "These laws of physics? Whose rules are those? We need to change that. (Some of the others diligently wrote down the law name so they could look it up). We have both the congress and the administration. We can repeal that law, amend it, or use an executive order to get rid of that problem. That's why we are here, to fix these sort of issues".

This country is in big trouble...

WE PROVIDE MORE SHADE!

Fat People Blamed for Global Warming!

British scientists say they use up more fuel to transport them around and the amount of food they eat requires more energy to produce than that consumed by those on smaller diets.

According to a team at the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine this adds to food shortages and higher energy prices.

Researchers Phil Edwards said: “We are all becoming heavier and it is a global responsibility. Obesity is a key part of the big picture." (Daily Telegraph)

Well, as anybody who has seen my videos below knows, I am ALL about the big picture.

And big pictures mean... that's right!...

BIG PROFIT OPPORTUNITIES!

What am I talking about?

It's the latest investment opportunity of the Global Warming Era!

CARBOHYDRATE CREDITS!

That's right! Carbo-Credits!  It's so simple it ought to be illegal!

Here's how it works:

Persons of, er, substance pay less substantial people to stay skinny, to offset our exuberant circumferences!

This allows many of the diameter-challenged to earn valuable cash benefits, people like

Fashion Models!

Celebrities!

And People Who Already Live Under Progressive Governments!

Now they can afford to maintain their diameter-challenged lifechoices by underwriting the indulgences of the great and good (okay, mostly the great) among us!

This is an idea whose time has come. Keep watching this site for payment information once we have final arrangements completed with the First Tennessee Bank and Banco de Brasil!

A Reader's Guide to Global Warming Journalism...

...and other sad science...(HT: Theo Spark, see links)

Translating Scientific Reports:
The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.

"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"... I didn't look up the original reference.

"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"... These data are practically meaningless.

"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.

"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"... The other results didn't make any sense.

"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"... This is the prettiest graph.

"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"... I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.

"IN MY EXPERIENCE"... Once

"IN CASE AFTER CASE"... Twice

"IN A SERIES OF CASES"... Thrice

"IT IS BELIEVED THAT"... I think.sciencebad.jpg

"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"... A couple of others think so, too.

"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE"... Wrong.

"ACCORD1NG TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"... Rumour has it.

"A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS"... A wild guess.

"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"... Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of Mountain Dew.

"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"... I don't understand it

"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"... They don't understand it either.

"THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS"... Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.

"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"... A totally useless topic selected by my committee.

Public Service Announcement

A Global Warming Book for Parents Who Love Their Children

UK Forces Detain Global Warming Refugees on Dover Beach...

Angry mobs confront Royal Marines in immigration dispute