Wells had it right...

So the BP well explodes.
So we are assured a bazillion jillion megagallons of crude oil are going to flood the gulf.
We are promised that it is going to ooze around Florida and up the East Coast like the freaking Blob.
We are WARNED, by EXPERTS, that eeeeevil BP has probably cracked the whole foundation of the Gulf and the entire seabed is going to collapse in an ecological disaster of Biblical proportions.
Nothing we can do, and we proved this by trying to do nothing, seems to check the crisis.
The military fails.  Science is baffled.  Thousands flee.  Obama takes a 10 handicap...

And now we can't find the oil.  Because, apparently, bacteria ate it, like they've been eating oil in the gulf for millions of years.

"...slain, after all man's devices had failed, by
the humblest things that God, in his wisdom, has put upon this earth."

Maybe this will lay a little humble on all our so-called experts.

Obama, EPA Chief Salazar issue new drilling ban...

Uh-huh, that's nice,darlings...

Of course doesn't this mean we have to stop drilling the relief well in the Gulf, since it violates the terms of the new ban...?

51 Days into Obama's Oil Well Triumph...

Millions of feet of oil-booms are sitting unused in a warehouse.
The Dutch offered to send a fleet of oil-recovery boats over six weeks ago. Obama turned them down.

OBAMA SOLVES GULF COAST CRISIS...

...with exciting new "Oil for Clunkers" program!  The Administration is proposing to pile all the scrapped automobiles the government ordered destroyed under the "Cash for Clunkers" scheme on top of the out of control BP oil leak, using the millions of tons of wasted machinery to block the upflow of oil.

"It will be the mother of all junk shots," explained Obama during a brief stop at the nineteenth hole.

"The Administration's plan is to use a manufactured crisis to resolve a manufactured crisis," said WH Spokesman Robert Gibss.  "Sure, it's ugly as hell, but you have to remember that the White House is nowhere near Louisiana, and anyway, they voted for a Republican governor so they really had to expect this."

When reporters suggested this plan might be a hasty and ill-conceived PR stunt, Gibbs disagreed. " I can assure you with complete accuracy that we have given this plan as much thought and effort as we gave the Tennessee flood relief effort."