Black Swan

The Crying Game 1992 was released in England to savage reviews¹. The critics killed it at the box office. A month later Miramax distributed it in the US and scored a sleeper hit of $60million+ ($98million in today's money). The Crying Game was then re-released to success in the UK². Lesson learned: a hit in America will generate enough buzz to hit the UK.

It’s called the Lemming Effect.

Black Swan 2010 was released wide in America on 17^th December. Its critical acclaim measures 88% on Rotten Tomatoes and 8.6 on IMDb. Its domestic box office performance to date is $75million³ (on a production budget of $13m). It is a confluence of critical and commercial euphoria. It is perfect for awards season.

Yesterday morning BAFTA nominated Black Swan for 12 statuettes. As impressive as that reads the film has received a prior 159 nominations⁴ (which includes 44 wins eg Natalie Portman best actress Golden Globes⁵). The Academy Awards will announce their nominations next week.

This doesn’t sound like a horror film.

Black Swan was marketed as horror to draw in a demographic that can make a hit out of the worst film of the year – if for one weekend only. The deception completed and the box office boosted Black Swan set about wooing its real target: the crossover into mainstream.

Aronofsky's feature debut Pi 1998

Darren Aronofsky is an art house filmmaker. Although his second feature Requiem for a Dream 2000 is best known for its soundtrack it is a wonderful piece of melancholic storytelling. One of Aronofsky’s strengths is the performances he elicits from his cast. The Wrestler 2008 is lauded by the wrestling community – of which I am a proud member – for its depiction of the industry. It too received mainstream attention, awards and accolades for its actors.

Black Swan is art house. It is psychological drama; the story of a ballerina in rehearsals for the lead role in a production of Swan Lake. Swan Lake is ballet. Ballet is art house but Aronofsky does not leave the mainstream audience adrift. Where The Wrestler depicts a breaking body Black Swan witnesses a breaking mind.

The Wrestler tells the story of a has-been – both onscreen and off. Aronofsky resurrected Mickey Rourke in the mainstream. Now he’s rolled a similar albeit easier die with Natalie Portman.

Golden Globes 2011

Despite the talent promised in her debut Leon 1994 Portman has struggled for roles to best showcase her ability. She’s like a songstress looking for a ballad; once upon a time Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey weren’t divas. Now aged 30 Portman has found her song at last. Now she can become Meryl Streep or Sigourney Weaver.

Age is a factor in film especially for female actors. This is a theme explored in Black Swan. Winona Ryder is the aged ingénue Portman replaces in the movie. In real life like Mickey Rourke Ryder has fallen from our grace. The former darling of Generation X is now a celebrity ridicule to sneer at despite numerous comeback attempts. It is a disaster for her that in this film Aronofsky draws attention to her criminal thievery.

Parents see the passing of time in their children. How young can a woman be when her baby girl is now an adult? Barbara Hershey plays Portman’s stage mother to a brilliant tragic effect. Scorcese devotees will know of Hershey when she was Boxcar Bertha 1972. The Horrorfolk remember her from The Entity 1981.

Cassel (left) in La Haine 1995

Vincent Cassel may not be the most famous Frenchman in the world but he’s the most famous French actor. In this film he plays the exotica; the foreigner with a foreign accent with foreign ways that seduce the natives. For an untold reason Anglos find the French alluring. Another French leading man who tried his accent in Hollywood is Gerard Depardieu. His character in Green Card 1990 summed it up: to paraphrase – in his own country he’s just a man. Abroad he is superman.

When I think of the French I think of Vichy⁶.

Cassel plays the ballet director. His character dominates Portman’s. He bullies her. He inspires her. He elevates her. She wants to please him. She wants to please her mother. She wants to be friends with her coworkers. Perhaps she can be friends with new girl Mila Kunis. Aronofsky’s camera hounds Portman like a paparazzo – like a poacher chasing a swan.

The psychological drama should not be misinterpreted as horror. It is a worthy subgenre that includes Blue Velvet 1986, Les Diaboliques 1955, Vertigo 1958 and Repulsion 1965 by the child rapist Roman Polanski. They are taut by necessity. Although Black Swan has a running time of 108 minutes it is a film without mystery – the plot is laid out in the first act. Thus by act three the ongoing story is redundant. The flourishes of horror are exciting to see but boring to watch because they lead to nowhere. The film would have been too long at 90 minutes.

Then this is a character study. As such it is an indulgence. It is pomposity of narrative and hysteria of visual motion. There is perversion in the sexuality. That kind of thing should be left out of the cinema nowadays. Everyone has access to the internet.

The art house Nazis who grovel in Black Swan’s pretentious tide can cheer for the celebration of their beloved ballet in the cinema. Ballet is patronised by the elite. It is exclusive and anti-proletariat. Cinema is for the masses. Film critics should serve as a filter between the film companies and the consumer. Their mass hysteria over Black Swan is a further example of the homogeny of opinion in the mainstream and their desperate elitism.

It’s called the Lemming Effect.

Black Swan is on general release in the UK 21^st January.

Read more Thrill Fiction: Never Sleep Again

1 The Crying Game Empire magazine

2 The Crying Game Wikipedia

3 Box Office Mojo

4 Black Swan nominations Wikipedia

5 Golden Globes 2011

6 Vichy France Wikipedia

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Husk (Trailer)

In 2006 After Dark Films¹ held the Horrorfest 8 Films to Die For. The festival serves as venue for the theatrical release of 8 mainly American independent horror with the odd import. It has been an annual event since inception.

In its four years After Dark has distributed (in theatres and on DVD) Rinni 2005 by Takeshi Shimizu the director of Ju-On: The Grudge 2000, the French Frontier(s) 2007 and From Within 2009. Last year’s festival included The Final and Zombies of Mass Destruction both of which are feature in the TFi Top 10 Films of 2010.

This year sees a slight difference in their game plan. It’s a great leap forward for After Dark. Not only will they be distributing 8 new films but they produced them as well. This is what New Line Cinema used to be when they mattered.

In an era of carpet bagging that produces horror dross After Dark Films is on the side of the fans. Needless to say I’m a fan of theirs and Thrill Fiction offers its full support. Nevertheless each film will be judged on its own merits.

Not just by me.

 

Thrill Fiction would like to thank Bloody Disgusting2 for use of their exclusive content.

Husk is released 28th January.

Read more Thrill Fiction: ReMade: Halloween

1 After Dark Films - Originals
2 Bloodydisgusting.com

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The 100 Best Horror Films #4

The 90s were a cultural reaction to the 80s: Nelson Mandela strode out of prison with a clenched fist and ended apartheid. Boris Yeltsin rode a tank to the Kremlin and ended the Cold War. The Americans voted Democrat. The British ruling Conservative Party succeeded in a putsch to oust Margaret Thatcher.

Hollywood stopped making horror films.

It was due to the success of Scream 1996 that the industry decided to resurrect the genre. While Hollywood was busy greenlighting a new wave of horror movies the Japanese were watching Ringu 1998.

First word arrived from journalists at foreign film festivals; they had never seen anything like it. The solitary art house in my hometown booked it. Film 4 broadcast it. By the time Hollywood had announced its intent to remake the wonders of J-Horror were in full bloom. Ringu had earned its legend.

Horror works best when based in reality and the reality of horror is mythology. These are the stories of old – the stories told to children to keep them in check.  They are The Pied Piper of Hamelin, Hansel and Gretel, Little Red Riding Hood. Ringu is based on the eponymous novel inspired by (Japanese) folklore¹.

This is a film about an invented legend a la Candyman 1992. Where the latter uses the curtain raiser to introduce the legend Ringu uses it to both introduce legend and serve as catalyst to kick start the plot:

Teenager Masami is over at Tomoko’s house. The girls are alone – no parents. Masami tells Tomoko the story of a cursed videotape. It turns out Masami has seen said tape. As soon as Masami leaves the room the curse comes to claim Tomoko.

Every story needs a hero. In horror it is invariably the final girl². This character is germane to the successful telling of any horror film thus the casting is critical. Wes Craven said of Nancy Thompson in A Nightmare on Elm Street 1984 “I wanted to cast someone intelligent looking”³.

Quick wits, fortitude and attractiveness (as opposed to beauty) are traits fundamental in the horror hero for this is the character the male audience has to empathise with. It has to be played by an actor the audience will desire and also respect.

Actress Nanako Matsushima was in her mid 20s during filming. She towers like an elder above the schoolgirls in the cast. Her character Reiko is a working woman so the teens respect her. Her attire throughout the movie is professional and modest. No cleavage. The audience can accept her without her flicking her hair.

To raise the stakes she’s also a (single) mother. She has a straight forward relationship with her ex-husband. She’s very feminine. So much so that when an infatuated student of her ex meets her Reiko is amused at the young girl’s suspicion. For the latter half of the film Reiko is trying to save her son from the monster.

The worker seeks employment for a pay cheque and the audience seeks out horror films for their monsters. This monster is called Sadako. She is a ghost – a ghoul. She was once of the living but not quite one of us. Now she is of the dead and is full of hatred for us. She is mute in her malice. She is unforgiving. She will not be resolved. Her reveal is the most dramatic moment in horror of the decade.

The bonus of this story is the slow build and detail. Reiko and her ex investigate the folklore and the audience discover the resonance of the curse as they do. The viewer is bathed in eerie narrative flux and the dutiful payoff defies morality to the point of disbelief.

original Japanese one-sheet

Ringu went on to become Japan’s most successful horror film⁴. It inspired a multitude of copycats in Japan and Korea and is solely responsible for the J-Horror phenomenon late of last decade. Don’t blame it for the risible remakes. The Ring 2002 was incomprehensible nonsense but a box office smash⁵. There is irony in Sadako’s use of video technology: Paramount has announced The Ring 3D coming soon⁶.

Disregard the cynicism of the marketplace and the unfortunate legacy of cinematic success. Surrender to the story telling of Ringu. It does what every horror film is supposed to do – it creeps into the memory.

It never leaves.

Read more Thrill Fiction: The 100 Best Horror Films #3

1 Japanese folklore – Bancho Sarayashiki

2 Final Girl – Ax Wound

3 Wes Craven – Never Sleep Again Youtube

4 Japan’s most successful horror film – IMDb

5 The Ring 2002 – Box Office Mojo

6 The Ring 3D - SlashFilm

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The Top 10 Coming Soon Horror Movies of 2011

Jean-Luc Goddard said “all you need to make a movie is a girl and a gun”. I say all you need to make a horror film is a girl and a ghost.

Horror is sold on premise not star power. Before cinema, before the novel, before plays, people told each other scary stories. So after 100 years of horror cinema why hasn’t Hollywood got it right? There is premise out there – in novels and comics, in news bulletins, in every single culture on the planet and in every fertile imagination.

The quality in 2010 was appalling. That in and of itself is no indicator of this years offerings. However if 2011 is just as bad at some point the box office will coalesce with the product. The net result will be no more bad horror and no more chances for any good ones. 

A lot is riding on Scream 4.

The following films are on my watch list due to concept or marquee value. History teaches us that the best horror films arrive unheralded.

I can’t wait for those.

Vanishing on 7^th Street 7^th January VOD

A universal concept executed exceptionally creates legend (A Nightmare on Elm Street 1984). 

A wildlife photographer recanted a night in the Serengeti under a new moon. He was sitting on the plain with no tree to lean against – to cover his back. He was effectively blind. It was disorientating.

Everyone’s afraid of the dark– at some point.

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark 21^st January General Release (4^th March UK)

Guillermo del Toro has achieved master of Horror status. He wrote and produced this title based on the eponymous TV movie of 1973. Katie Holmes has form in horror; Disturbing Behaviour 1998. Guy Pierce is always solid. So this opens the new year with anticipation.

The Ward 21^st January UK General Release

This is on the radar of every horror fanboy. Despite Carpenter’s last 20 year résumé there is faith in the work of a master of horror.

So why did he cast Amber Heard?

The Rite 28^th January General Release (25^th Feb UK)

It’s based on a well received book by Matt Baglio¹. The book is a journalistic investigation of exorcism and demonic possession. Baglio interviews exorcists and their ‘patients’. He also investigates the history and the contemporary of the phenomena. There is no excuse for an incoherent script.

The Roommate 4^th February

The city is anathema to human beings. Tokyo has 33 million, New York 18 million, Mexico City 17 million². Humans were not meant to gather in such numbers. Some people are going to fall through the cracks. The resulting loneliness can lead to obsession.

Single White Female 1992 did not optimise its plot. The Roommate may be a psychological exploration that morphs into a horror-thriller or it can fall through the cracks.

Apollo 18 4^th March (US & UK)

Yet another film to use the Blair Witch technique: first person/POV/camera held found footage.

The intrigue is blaring.

The Resident 29^th March DVD & 11^th March UK General release

Hillary Swank can win Oscars but can she play a woman in peril? Christopher Lee co-stars in what looks like an American take on a Spanish style ghost story.

Or perhaps it’s an urban thriller.

Scream 4 15^th April (US & UK)

In the run up to its release this film will garner a similar internet frenzy the A Nightmare on Elm Street remake did. It should serve as a cautionary tale to the horror folk. Scream1996 was revolutionary and brilliant. The sequel was the sweepings off the floor. Part 3 was the garbage in the can.

After last year’s My Soul to Take Wes Craven needs to pacify his audience. He’d have a better chance with a more daring writer than Kevin Williamson. Be it good or bad Scream 4 is the tent pole horror film of the year.

Fright Night 19^th August

This is a remake of a film that epitomised the 80s even though there’s nary a brat packer in sight. Michael De Luca produces so Toni Collette might be in shoulder pads.

The Thing 14^th October (US & UK)

The pick of the bunch. John Carpenter’s version is legend. Although I didactically insist it is sci-fi the horror folk consensus is it is horror. Hence the inclusion of this prequel on the list.

We all know it won’t end well.

Wait. Is that a girl?

Look what they've done to my business.

Release dates are subject to change so hate mail should be directed elsewhere if Leprechaun 7 is delayed.

Gentlemen. Ladies. Enjoy the next 12 months.

Read more Thrill Fiction: The 10 Worst Horror Films of 2010

1 The Rite by Matt Baglio Random House

2 The largest Cities in the world About.com

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John Carpenter's The Ward (UK trailer)

What does it mean when the UK gets an American film before the Americans? Are we a dumping ground or a testing ground?

Four Weddings and a Funeral 1994 is a British film first released in America. The producers chose that strategy because at the time the British critics were wont to destroy a British film on arrival eg The Crying Game 1992. Four Weddings was a success in America so that was alright then. It became a success over here.

Conversely it was the British that made Quentin Tarantino. Reservoir Dogs 1992 was ignored in the States but hit big on these shores. For good or ill we launched his career.

John Carpenter’s last feature film was Ghost of Mars 2001. It is an embarrassment. The consensus is he hasn’t made a decent movie in over 20 years.

Which begs the question are we a dumping ground or a testing ground? Time will tell but the trailer looks great.

The Ward is released in the UK on 21^st January. No dates have been set for North America.

Read more Thrill Fiction: Re/Made: Halloween

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The 10 Best Horror Films of 2010

Watching a horror film in 2010 was like finding a good looking girl in a brothel. Hollywood repeatedly failed to deliver (A Nightmare on Elm Street) but then again so did the independents (Hatchet 2) and the foreign market (Dans ton sommeil).

There were the films touted as horror (Shutter Island, Buried, Black Swan) but even though they somewhat used horror tropes and/or motifs their stories are firmly set in other genres. The net result is that most of the films on the following list will struggle to be included in the top 100 of the decade.

Hopefully.

The top three are worthy. The next two are very good. The following two are entertaining whilst watching but no more. Entry #8 is flawed. The last two (in descending order) are merely adequate. It was that type of year.

Brothels are illegal in England. Bad horror films should be too.

10 Paranormal Activity 2 US

By the laws of experience and common sense the sequel should surpass the original. In movie land, and not just Hollywood, sequels tend to chase the box office of the originals thus end up as blurred photostats. There are exceptions – James Bond and Harry Potter. These examples however have distinguished themselves as series. Furthermore they are based on books. Amongst the best instances of sequels based on original screenplays are the James Cameron films Aliens 1986 and Terminator 2: Judgement Day 1991.

Regardless of the fact that many always choose the original over the sequel for a variety of reasons (none less than nostalgia) a sequel should always be the narrative superior to its predecessor. Paranormal Activity 2 achieves this but the congratulations are tempered.

The Ringu trilogy ends with a prequel. Despite the incoming Paranormal Activity 3 2011¹ part 2 is a prequel. The film copies its epilogue from Ringu 1998. That said the narrative structure is streamlined, the inclusion of characters from the original is cohesive and the plot moves at a steady pace to its conclusion.

Writer-director Orin Peli retained the ethos of the original – and superseded it.

9 Let Me In US

Only a fool would remake a classic for he is doomed to failure and ridicule. Note Gus Van Sant’s Psycho 1998, Adrian Lynne’s Lolita 1997, The Omen 2006. However what if the subject wasn’t (yet) a classic? What if the film is foreign?

No one would have seen it. Americans and other English speakers don’t read subtitles. Why should we? Film, television and music are all in English. If it’s foreign it’s art and our culture is popular.

Quarantine 2008 was made in the comfort of this ignorance. The people who liked it hadn’t seen [●REC] 2007. Let the Right One In 2008 was one of the best films released last year. It is critically acclaimed to the point of embarrassing². The majority of those who have seen in are in love with it. This includes writer-director Matt Reeves – his previous effort is Cloverfield 2008. This is a great leap forward for Matt.

Watch Let the Right One In then decide if you like Let Me In.

8 After.Life US

This is horror-drama as opposed to horror-thriller. It is a musing of life within death and an attempt to explore the connection between the two sides of existence. It fails. It is an honest and valiant failure.

Christina Ricci is one of the best female actors of her generation. She brings a rock n roll ethos to performance – forthrightness detrimental to a lady’s place in a consumer culture. Liam Neeson arrives with gravitas to his roles. He is aging well enough to step into Robert Duvall’s spot. The negative in this cast is Justin Long. He’s exposed for what he is: a central casting construct of hair and teeth.

The two leads propel the picture and are watchable throughout. This story is a descendant of the Romantics³. It is not a true descendant – more of a bastard child. Had it been more beautiful it would have been a love child.

7 The Last Exorcism US

The Blair Witch Project 1999 ignited the found footage/POV subgenre. Where [●REC] was innovative and Cloverfield was hackneyed most everything else has been tedious. Yet the box office bonanza continues. 

This can be explained as content over context.

The Last Exorcism explores the possible demonic possession of a young woman. Of course this subject has been visited before – The Exorcist 1973, The Exorcism of Emily Rose 2005, An American Haunting 2006. The possession of a young woman is more horror cinematic than that of a young man. Eg A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge 1985.

The Last Exorcism successfully builds tempo and questions. The story is told in vérité manner which includes the camera crew intruding on their documentary subject. Alas the dénouement is a sequence of hysterics that looks to invoke The Wicker Man 1973. That’s a shame because where the latter is premeditated chaos The Last Exorcism suffers a lack of destination.

However there is intrigue getting there.

6 Burning Bright US

The premise is that of the old woman who wakes to find a burglar under her bed. The (much maligned) Collector 2009 is of the same ilk. Said premise is a frightening starting point (Scream 1996) or concept (Black Christmas 1973) for any horror film.

The high in this concept is that the stalker is a Bengal tiger – hence the contrived title. How a tiger ends up in someone’s house is well plotted in the opening sequence. Thus proceeds shock moments and audience expectation swerves that make it easy to root for the hero and her autistic little brother. Even so the writers tried too hard to wrap up all story ends when they could have left the terrain ravaged.

5 Monsters UK

This horror drama is set in an alien invasion milieu. The impending apocalypse is in the foreground as a couple journeys home.

The couple are strangers. They are stranded in alien infested Mexico and have to illegally re-enter the United States. They spend so much time together in fear, desperation and hope. The film travels through rural Mexico without a sombrero in sight. The couple trek through the rain forest. They stand atop a pyramid. The aliens are constant.

This is a beautiful lyrical story that examines humanity in the wake of destruction. The end is nigh.

4 The Final US

When formula succeeds the equation is solved. This film adheres to formula. It contributes nothing to the question of human existence but it entertains humans like a horror film should.

It is The Revenge of the Nerds 1984 by way of Carrie 1976: a group of kids hijack a school party and promise their peers torture. It is the fantasy of bullied youth turning on their tormentors.

The Final points out that in such scenarios – for example a prison riot – the good guards get lumped together with the bad. This film is not without observational humour – a black kid looking for help knocks on the door of a white man and is accused of attempted burglary. That’s another film right there.

Though this story is a revenge fantasy it does not shirk in portraying its protagonists as pathetic. In their dismay, in their vengeance, they are tragic.

This movie was distributed by After Dark Films⁴.

3 Cabin Fever 2 US

The Godfather 1972 is universally acclaimed⁵ yet Francis Ford Coppola had to be arm twisted into the final cut. The version he initially edited was rejected by the studios⁶. The Exorcist III 1990 is the best horror movie ever made. Writer-director William Peter Blatty decries the reshoots and subsequent edit that was forced upon him⁷.  

Cabin Fever 2 director Ti West denounces this film.

I love it.

It is a horror-comedy that supersedes the benchmark Tremors 1990 and the overrated Zombieland 2009 because it has the satire of Heathers 1989. It is also disconnected from its predecessor (which I hated). The performances mesh with the characters and the conclusion retains the tone of the whole film.

Ti West has The Innkeepers 2011 incoming. Until then Ti this is your best work.

2 [●REC]² SPA

Click poster to read review.

1 Zombies of Mass Destruction US

This is the best zombie film since Dawn of the Dead 1978. It’s a satire. It’s a zombie apocalypse in a post 9/11 landscape.

There are the usual targets; the hypocritical fundamentalist church and the bigots. There’s nothing usual about the lead character. Janette Armand plays Frida, a Westernized Persian in a small town who just wants to fit in and get laid. As soon as the zombies appear all she wants to do is escape.

It took a zombie apocalypse for her to figure that out.

This may well be an acquired taste but a lot of people liked Shaun of the Dead 2004.

I hated it.

Zombies of Mass Destruction is the second film on this list distributed by After Dark Films. This year in place of Horrorfest they’ve created After Dark Originals⁷. These are eight films they’ve made themselves as opposed to the annual eight films they merely distribute. Without them horror would be a lot less terrifying.

2010 was not a vintage year but it wasn’t a complete washout. In 2011 Thrill Fiction will continue to support the horror genre and God willing I will post online my original screenplay A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Return.

The future always looks bright and the past can be viewed through rose tinted glass.

Pretty soon they’ll have to be 3D.

Read more Thrill Fiction: The 10 Worst Horror Films of 2010

1 Paranormal Activity 3 release date Dread Central

2 Let the Right One In Awards IMDb

3 Romanticism The Guardian

4 afterdarkfilms.com

5 The Godfather American Film Institute

6 The Kid Stays in the Picture

7 afterdarkoriginals.com

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The 10 Worst Horror Films of 2010

Bad Movies We Love¹ was a column in Movieline² magazine that celebrated the atrocious with a double vodka. There are bad movies that can be laughed at because they are so inept – like Showgirls 1995. It was supposed to be erotic but now it’s viewed as a comedy – which is funny because it killed of Elisabeth Berkeley’s career.

Then there is the other type of bad film. Films that were cynical at conception. Many of them masquerade as remakes and sequels. Many of them exploit the subgenres of slasher or torture. They are without entertainment value. They are beyond redemption. These films usually head straight-to-DVD like a disease that cannot be cured. Some of them are released theatrically.

Bad movies are made for first weekend box office returns. The HorrorFolk are as voracious as zombies and we will consume first and vomit later. We are marks. Ergo the criterion for this list is theatrical release (bar one exception – a DVD sequel with high expectations). Yep. Fooled again.

2010 was a fallow year for quality horror. In 2011 if you’re looking to Blockbusters or Netflix for a quiet night in then beware the following titles.

You have been warned.

10 Cherry Tree Lane UK

Perhaps the most famous propaganda film is the Nazi Triumph of the Will 1934. Cherry Tree Lane is not so grandiose. It is however a testament to the return of European fascism and overt cinemascope of the racism that never went away. It is biased, facile and deceitful with the narrative arc of a Madrasah graduate turned suicide bomber who knows he’s going to heaven.

70 million people died in the second war Europe gave the world. 65 years later and these people have learnt nothing.

9 Legion US

The first scene in the trailer is a premise. It is a showpiece lifted from the greatest horror film of all time The Exorcist III 1990. The end scene is foreboding. The between scenes feature guns – lots of guns – and angels. The trailer is a promise of perhaps The Prophecy 1995 meets Resident Evil 2002.

Dennis Quaid, Charles S Dutton, Paul Bettany and Tyrese Gibson should be enough manpower for a thriller, neo-noir or horror. However writer-director Scott Stewart does his best impression of Goldman Sachs and throws in the towel as soon as patrons have paid for their tickets.

He commits the cinematic sin of stealing from The Terminator 1984 then has his angels drive ice-cream vans. The resulting story defies logic and mental stability. How Paul Bettany could recite his lines with a straight face deserves some sort of recognition.

He used to be a prospect. What a fall from grace.

8 Frozen US

A certain type attends the Sundance Film Festival. While others go about the business of film these hipsters ski schmooze and party. They return with wild tales of fantastic movies mere mortals will have to pay to see in perhaps a year’s time. They were responsible for starting that American phenomenon The Blair Witch Project 1999. They are also responsible for this nonsense.

The concept is cigarette paper thin. The acting is bad, the dialogue is hackneyed the tension is contrived. Just because a bunch of yuppies on frozen yoghurt and crystal meth decide a film is good doesn’t mean it is.

It was Utah in January. Perhaps they could relate.

7 Night of the Demons US

Edward Furlong was 14 when he starred in Terminator 2 1991. That was a long time ago. The dude is still a capable actor with a perennial baby face and in this film he plays a young adult. It’s that type of film: young ladies with heaving bosoms doing stupid things to get them killed. It is tongue in cheek bordering on camp but that doesn’t make it excusable.

There’s no rhyme or reason to the motivation of the characters. They’re all stereotypes. There’s no one to root for. The special effects look like they were made on my computer. The net result is a low rent Hatchet 2007.

Sorry Hatchet.

6 The Descent 2 UK

Or as I like to call it Crimes of Exploitation.

This sequel went straight to video in the US – another example of the Americans getting special treatment. The original is well regarded by critics with a politically correct agenda. The Descent 2006 is a gimmick movie. Its gimmick is an all female cast engaging in the macho and moronic pursuit of caving. There are two versions in existence. In the British edit all the totty died. In the American 2007 release there was a final girl.

Alfred Hitchcock promoted Psycho 1960 with the mantra “it’s only a movie”. The Descent 2 is only a movie but I’m only human.

No spoilers but this film sucks.

5 Splice US

The creature-feature was a staple for our parents in a more gullible unenlightened time. Not like today. Us 21^st century sophisticates are still arguing about the safety of vaccines not to mention genetic modification.

HG Wells wrote The Island of Dr Moreau in 1896. It’s been filmed three times. All versions treated the subject seriously and all had stellar casts – as does Splice. However the latter has more in common with the B-movie Species 1995.

There are acts so grotesque they shouldn’t pass the censor whether Sarah Polley is in the film or not.

4 My Soul to Take US

Scream 4 may well be the most anticipated horror film of 2011 (for me it’s The Thing) but do not be deceived. Scream 2 1997 was bad. Scream 3 2000 was worse.

My Soul to Take shows just how bad Wes Craven can be. He’s the writer as well so he bears all blame. The title is trite. The setup is appalling. The monster is ridiculous. The concept – multiple personalities – is as intriguing as it is medically controversial. Clearly there was something there. 

Alas what came out the other end is a cliché riddled yawn. It’s a waste of everybody’s time but even the great have their bad days.

Perhaps it’s time for this Master to stop writing.

3 Survival of the Dead US

How the mighty have fallen. First John Carpenter now George A Romero.

Click the poster for the full review.

2 The Wolfman US

Fellow Horrorfolk you are in the presence of history. This film has a mega budget of $150million³. What? All that money spent just to entertain me?

Oh hang on. The film was originally due out in November 2008⁴. It was pushed back four times over 16 months⁵ to its release date in February. That tells its own story.

The story The Wolfman wants us to swallow is even worse. The first problem is the cast. How to explain Latino Benicio del Toro as son of white Anthony Hopkins? Well seeing that it’s only a movie perhaps the viewer should ignore that. Ignore too the conflicting accents because plenty of people grow up in a different locale to their parents. What can’t be ignored is the diction. Why is everyone talking like the Brontë sisters?

Too much attention was paid to wardrobe and set design and not enough to the script. This movie certainly has a look but look closer and you’ll see nothing. It is portentous self aware self absorbed and fails to entertain on every level. As for the money shot transformation from man into beast – big deal.

Watch An American Werewolf in London 1981. It’s still the yardstick.

1 A Nightmare on Elm Street US

The most anticipated horror film of the year.

The worst horror film of the year.

Click the poster for the full review.

The good news is that I’m writing a spec sequel. It’ll be online in 2011.

I promise.

Those were the 10 worst theatrical released/high profile films. There were plenty more. The likes of which I’m not going to mention because you’ve seen them yourself; the straight to DVD, the low budget, the micro budget, the foreign tosh, the art house muck, the internet darlings, the torture porn.

This is proof positive of the contempt Hollywood holds the Horrorfolk in. I hate you too Hollywood. This is my indictment to be used as evidence against you. Carry on like this and the audience will go on strike.

TFi: The only reason why The Walking Dead is not on this list is because the hordes who like it get their welfare cheques on a Monday. They’re spent up by Monday night.

What a load of zombies.

Read more Thrill Fiction: Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy

1 Bad Movies We Love

2 Movieline magazine

3 The Wolfman budget Box Office Mojo

4 The Wolfman Wikipedia

5 The Wolfman Wikipedia

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